Wife refuses to give any more money to her in-laws after they spent cash she gave them for a "medical emergency" on a luxury vacation: 'My mother-in-law called us ungrateful and sobbed about how we’re abandoning them'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Feb 23, 2025 11:00 AM EST

It's so easy to enable someone with money. If a family member is constantly coming to you asking for money, and these mysterious problems they keep having never seem to get solved, there's a huge chance they're taking advantage of you. You wouldn't help someone addicted to buying expensive sports cars by buying them a new car, and you shouldn't give family members money just because they ask you to. It's a lot more helpful to give them the tools to be financially independent instead of constantly giving in to their desires. It's one thing to help a struggling family member eat or pay rent, but even then, you want to help them stay on a budget and not blow all the money you're giving them on things they don't need. If you're a tender-hearted person, it can be easy to give in, especially when the people asking for the money are your parents. 

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  • The daughter in this story is one of those tender-hearted but naive folks. Her wife finally put her foot down after discovering that the money they were giving to her parents for “medical emergencies” was actually going into luxury vacations, designer clothes, and other material goods that were all but necessary.

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    Cheezburger Image 10471449088
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITAH for refusing to help my in-laws financially after realizing they’re taking advantage of me and my wife?

    So, I (32F) have kinda reached my breaking point with my in-laws and now apparently I'm the bad guy for it. My wife (34F) and I have been helping her parents out financially for years. We've covered medical bills, helped with
    via u/Aria_Simone_
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    their mortgage, and whenever there was some "emergency" they couldn't handle, we stepped in. We never really thought twice about it because, well, they're family, and my wife felt like it was our responsibility.
    via u/Aria_Simone_
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    via Transly Translation Agency

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    But then I started noticing a pattern. Every time we gave them money, suddenly they had cash to go out to fancy restaurants, buy expensive designer clothes, or splurge on stuff they absolutely did not need. At first, I tried to brush it off maybe they just needed a little joy in their lives or whatever. But it kept happening. And the thing is, it was always right after we helped them.
    via u/Aria_Simone_
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    The final straw was last month. My MIL called my wife crying about overdue medical bills and how they were struggling. We sent them a good chunk of money because, obviously, that's important. A few days later, I see MIL posting on Facebook about how they're having a "much needed getaway" at some luxury resort. I showed my wife and she
    via u/Aria_Simone_
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    immediately started making excuses for them maybe it was a gift, maybe they used a different credit card, maybe we were overthinking it. But the more I looked into it, the clearer it became. There were no overdue medical bills. They straight-up lied to us so they could go on a fancy vacation.
    via u/Aria_Simone_
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    That was it for me. I told my wife we're done funding their lifestyle. If they can afford designer clothes, they can afford their own house. My wife was hesitant at first she's always felt responsible for them but even she had to admit this was messed up. So we told them we weren't giving them any more money. And all h I broke loose.
    via u/Aria_Simone_
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    MIL called us ungrateful and sobbed about how we're abandoning them. FIL said I was manipulating my wife. And then. they dragged other relatives into it, who are now guilt-tripping us, saying things like, "But they're family" and "You have the money, why wouldn't you help?"
    via u/Aria_Simone_
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    Now my wife is second-guessing everything, and I feel like the villain. But I can't keep lighting money on fire for people who refuse to act like responsible adults. AITAH?
    via u/Aria_Simone_
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    Cheezburger Image 10471449856
    via Levi Meir Clancy (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Candid Process 1831 NTA! They are the AH for sucking you dry !!
    via u/Candid_Process1831
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    Aria_Simone_ OP They are taking advantage of us which stops now!!!
    via u/Aria_Simone_
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    TieNervous9815 NTA they are abusing both of you. If it's truly a medical emergency get the invoice and pay directly. But ONLY if you want to. And you shouldn't feel guilty if you don't.
    via u/TieNervous9815
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    leeannj021255 Economically and emotionally
    via u/leeannj021255
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    Momof41984 And any one who calls on their behalf tell them wonderful I will let the in laws know to call you for their next vacation fund! Thanks for volunteering!
    via u/Momof41984
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    Animals_are_Angels87 Make a time-line of all the money you have given them. Include dates. Next put what they did with the money. Put everything on it. Print it out and hang it on your refrigerator for your wife to see. When relatives that feel its appropriate to discuss finances with you because your inlaws shared private information with them send them the document. The bank is closed. Time for all of them to sk it up. NTA
    via u/Animals_are_Angels87
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    SavingsSensitive3796 And post the timeline on FB for all the family to see
    via u/SavingsSensitive3796
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    Pagan CHICK720 Putting it somewhere public like Facebook might make things worse. I would suggest putting it in a group chat that includes all of the flying monkeys. I would also let them all know that they are more than welcome to donate their own funds to help family, if it's so important to them.
    via u/PaganCHICK720
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    Traveling-Techie Normally I'd think this was tacky but they were the ones to expand the issue into a wider forum.
    via u/Traveling-Techie
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    ExcitementGlad2995 ΝΤΑ You don't have control over how your in-laws spent the money you gift them but you do have control over whether you give them more. They are abusing your kindness. The other relatives joining in can put their money where their mouth is and give to your in-laws to support them. Let's see how many do.
    via u/ExcitementGlad2995
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    Aria_Simone_ OP They won't see any more money from us except it is really for some emergency or medical bills and even then they won't get the money I will pay the bills directly
    via u/Aria_Simone_
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    justwalkawayrenee Be careful, they will have you use your money to pay the bill directly and then use their own money to do or buy whatever they want. I had to play the game before with my brother.
    via u/justwalkawayrenee
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    Petitebourgeoisie1 NTA your wife is the problem quite frankly. She is an enabler. She seems like she is okay with being taken advantage of, but not that you stand up for yourself and setting boundaries. I see this more as a marriage issue.
    via u/Petitebourgeoisie1
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    Aria_Simone_ OP This is definitely a marriage issue as well which we need to get sorted asap!
    via u/Aria_Simone_

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family drama marriage entitled parents wives wife dad father in law in laws mother in law family mom money family vacation parents vacation Reddit
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